


I wanna be somebody's baby, so keep a cradle warm for me

by Pilandok



Series: You fell asleep, then the silence grew [2]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/F, Smut, The Sequel Nobody Asked For, lots of mentions of the word panties so be warned, the porn/angst ratio is lower than usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:06:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26854174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pilandok/pseuds/Pilandok
Summary: "Judy realizes she hasn’t answered Jen about what happened with Michelle. She thinks maybe she shouldn’t share, for Michelle’s privacy and all, but she sort of hates that Jen didn’t hesitate to ask."Around the morning of 2x08.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Series: You fell asleep, then the silence grew [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958914
Comments: 20
Kudos: 61





	I wanna be somebody's baby, so keep a cradle warm for me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, idk what this is and nobody asked for it but still, enjoy. 
> 
> It's a sequel, but it can definitely stand alone, too, there's enough context clues.
> 
> Oh, I'm on twitter but I never shut up so... @aprilopenmybill

Judy was working on the last pancake when she hears the sound of footsteps descending the staircase. She can tell that it’s Jen’s because of the slight drag of her feet, the inertia of the sleep she probably spent the whole night trying to achieve. Being able to distinguish between footsteps is a product of domesticity that Judy never really appreciated until she stayed in the Harding household.

“Judy,” she hears Jen, surprise in her voice, as if this isn’t the morning routine they’ve memorized like clockwork, “I didn’t expect to see you so soon,”

“Mhm,” she replies, noncommittal, needing to focus on the last flip of the pancake. She can’t mess up now, not when she’s already made the others perfectly. Without turning around, she motions towards the coffee maker, indicating that yes, the coffee’s ready.

“I thought you would stay over at Michelle’s,” Jen asks, helping herself to a cup.

Judy grimaces, a stray drop of the batter splashing to the side of the pan. _Didn’t expect that._ She turns to give Jen a smile through gritted teeth. Judy usually dislikes it, but she kind of expected that she could rely on Jen’s habit of side-stepping issues that morning.

“Yeah, that didn’t work out the way I had hoped,” she mumbles as she returns her attention to the stove.

“So, you two didn’t...?” Jen asks. Judy can’t help but give a quick glance at Jen over her shoulder. She sees her fiddling with the fruit on the plate before stabbing her fork through the pancake. Judy doesn’t tell her that she’s picking at Henry’s share, that she added extra maple syrup on it as a treat.

“Oh, um,” Judy feels a little caught off-guard with Jen’s casual questioning. She had imagined that Jen would either be freaking out or nervously distant— considering that the woman had practically kicked her out for the night after fucking her on the dinner table. “No, we did. It was just, uh, a little complicated.”

She sees Jen’s eyes drift towards the table and thank god they eat breakfast on the island. On the way over to Michelle, she had the realization that Jen would probably have to _wipe_ that table down when she got home— Judy wonders how that went. She watches for Jen’s reaction, waiting for her to blush, or be shy, or maybe be ashamed, or angry. But Jen doesn’t seem to be any of those things, she just has this crease in between her brows, like she’s thinking really hard about something

“What happened?” Jen asks after turning her attention back to the food. She sounds like she has the surety of having figured something out and Judy almost squeaks in surprise. She turns off the stove and begins plating the pancake.

Judy feels resentment growing, she can’t help but think that Jen doesn’t get to ask that question when liking Michelle had all been so simple and straightforward until last night. Until something in her shifted when she saw Jen resting her head on Ben’s shoulder. Maybe it has something to do with Perez accosting her that night, that one frightening second that she had thought that maybe _I don’t have to keep trying to be a good person all the time._

Judy knows that she’s not an angel, knows better than anyone of her worst thoughts, those moments where she’s glad that Ted died (because she got to meet Jen), or of how she let herself be a little bit forgiven when Jen said the same thing (even though she didn’t mean it.) But she still tries, tries so hard to be good. But maybe there are some desires she’s allowed to lean into, to be selfish. And maybe, she just really, really hates that Jen cried in front of Ben.

That might be the reason why she was so angry last night, why she needed to hear Jen say that Ben wasn’t an option at all. Judy doesn’t know if that means she wanted Jen to say that she was.

Judy realizes she hasn’t answered Jen about what happened with Michelle. She thinks maybe she shouldn’t share, for Michelle’s privacy and all, but she sort of hates that Jen didn’t hesitate to ask.

“Well” Judy begins, sitting down a few feet away from her. She reaches over her neck to pull her hair back to one side, revealing a purpling patch of skin, “she wasn’t so happy about this.”

Jen chokes on her spit and falls into a coughing fit. Judy rushes to hand her a glass of water, a little bit apologetic even though it’s the reaction that she was trying to elicit.

“And you guys—” Jen says, still recovering but very much less deterred than Judy expected, “you guys still had sex?”

“I told you, it’s complicated,” Judy sighs, recalling the unmistakable hurt in Michelle’s eyes when she had seen the mark, but also how she had bitten Judy’s lower lip hard, possessively. “Girls are complicated.”

Michelle sent her packing afterwards, saying that maybe Judy needed to take a beat, figure out what she really wanted. Sometimes Judy wonders if the things she really wants ever really factors into anything.

“Yes they are,” Jen agrees, easily. “So are you dating again?”

Judy looks at Jen, a little frustrated that she can’t tell what she’s thinking now. Her earlier bracing for a nervous, fidgety Jen, or maybe even an angry one, now moot. In her mind, she had imagined a scene where Jen would stumble over her words trying to deny what happened, to tell her it was a mistake or something. It would’ve hurt, yeah, in a way that she doesn’t think she can fully articulate yet, maybe doesn’t even understand how much it actually would. But at least she would know that Jen was flustered because of her, that she had agonized about her, maybe even thought about her the whole night.

“Michelle and I are... texting,” Judy answers after careful consideration.

“Oh that’s a step. Good for you, Jude, you two make a great couple,” Jen tells her and there’s a kind of dread that descends upon Judy when she realizes that Jen might actually mean it.

_Think about what you really want_. Judy had thought she made a convincing enough argument to Michelle, considering how long a time she spent with her face between her legs. But maybe she so aggressively took the lead because she couldn’t stop thinking about how she forgot her fucking panties (as if the hickey on her neck wasn’t an indictment enough) and that she can’t forget the way it felt stuffed in her mouth, when she could taste a hint of herself.

Maybe that meant she was thinking about Jen the whole time she was with Michelle. Judy winces at how bad it sounds in her head.

“I think I’m a bad person, Jen,” Judy says it like she’s testing it out.

Jen pushes herself off the chair in a rush, the stool almost toppling over as she moves closer to Judy.

“Hey, no honey,” she says softly, resting her hand on Judy’s cheek, “you’re literally the best fucking person I know.”

When Jen says it, Judy lets herself believe it. Jen who knows all her secrets, her bad traits, forgave her worst sins. It’s less the mortifying ordeal of being known and more... _to be known is to be loved._ Maybe she shouldn’t indulge herself so much, she wonders if she deserves it, but she still places her hand over Jen’s on her cheek and leans into the touch.

“You are, too,” Judy says.

Jen scoffs, “God, I don’t know about that.”

Judy frowns, she can’t understand why Jen so insistently denies it. That she can’t entertain the idea of herself being good. Why is it that she can be forgiven but Jen can’t be, when Judy is sure that she didn’t do anything wrong, or at least nothing worse. Why is it that she can believe Jen but Jen can’t believe her?

Except the truth is Judy might know why, she understands it, knows how it is to keep a secret you can’t tell anyone— not even to your best friend. She knows what it’s like to harbor guilt. She’s already been absolved of that burden. She’s been given a second chance, allowed to try to be good again, it’s what she’s always wanted.

She just didn’t think it would leave Jen so alone.

Judy slides her hand down from her cheek, bringing Jen’s with her to drag it to her neck. It rests at the mark, encouraging her to press on the bruise.

“Maybe I want to be a bad person,” Judy whispers.

Judy feels Jen pull her close, or maybe she just propelled herself onto Jen, but it doesn’t matter because Jen is kissing her. She’s brought her other hand to Judy’s face and she’s holding her almost painfully tender. Jen has all the urgency of last night but none of the roughness.

She presses herself harder against Jen, craving for more, wanting Jen to push her against the table, to knock her out of breath and enter her forcefully. To fuck her like she did last night. Jen goes through life like she’s always on the verge of an eruption and Judy already knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of that, during the worst of circumstances, of Jen’s unbridled emotions, of her zeroing in on you with such a frightening passion. She just didn’t know that it could also feel so fucking good.

“Bedroom,” Judy says, hearing the neediness of her own voice. Jen looks at her and nods.

Jen takes her upstairs, hand firmly grasping Judy’s. She leads her into the room and sits her down on the bed. She pulls Judy’s hand onto her lap and begins playing with her fingers.

Judy feels like she’s starting to get delirious at the slow pace. It’s not that she hates it, that Jen is taking her time, caressing her hand, kissing the inside of her _wrist_. It’s not bad. It’s nice, actually.

It’s just starting to make her insanely anxious.

“Wait here,” Jen says, suddenly, and walks out the door. Judy’s heightened nerves is quickly sated by the sounds of Charlie and Henry’s footsteps being rushed downstairs. Judy sighs and let’s herself fall back into the bed. She should help Jen get the boys ready but the belated exhaustion from the night before comes crashing down on her, not having rested properly between taking an Uber home from Michelle’s and making breakfast. She feels a little like she’s in a dream and she begins to wonder if she is and if that might be able to explain Jen’s odd actions.

When she wakes up, Jen has already changed into her work clothes. She tries to shake off the remnants of a quick dream, something about Jen being taken away.

“Oh hey honey,” Jen says, seeing her awake.

“What time is it?” Judy asks, lifting herself up on her elbows.

“Don’t worry about it, I called your work, told them you didn’t feel so good,” Jen walks over and sits at the foot of the bed, “you can keep sleeping here if you want.”

She blinks a few times at Jen, trying to clear her vision.

“Can you— can you kiss me?” Judy asks and maybe it’s because she still feels like she’s in a dream or maybe it’s part of her being selfish. Or maybe it’s because she just can’t let the day move on as if nothing earth-shattering has happened between them.

Jen looks at her, the same indecipherable look she’s been giving her the whole morning, then crawls up the bed until she can press her lips softly against hers. Judy runs her tongue along Jen’s bottom lip before slipping it inside her mouth. Jen responds earnestly and she pushes Judy’s head back onto the pillow. They spend a few, slow, languid minutes making-out in a way that leaves Judy feeling even more lightheaded.

“I have work,” Jen says when she pulls away but she’s resting her forehead on Judy’s.

“Don’t go, please,” Judy whines and she knows she’s pushing it. But this is what she does, she pushes and waits for Jen to draw the line. “Kiss me again.”

And Jen does, rougher than before, her hands tangling themselves in Judy’s hair. Judy pushes herself up until she’s sitting and begins working on the buttons of Jen’s blouse.

“Jude,” Jen says, pulling away. She rests her hands on Judy’s.

“I want to see you, Jen,” she says, kissing along her jawline then down her throat, “ _please_ , you’re beautiful.”

Jen squeezes Judy’s hands once, “okay.”

Once all the buttons have come undone, Judy pushes the blouse off of Jen’s shoulders. She hears Jen take a deep breath before reaching behind her to unhook her black bra. Judy belatedly realizes the gravity of her ask and feels something profound begin to bloom inside her stomach.

The straps slide off Jen’s arms, Judy can’t help the gasp that escapes her lips.

“You’re amazing,” Judy says before Jen could get the wrong idea. She immediately starts kissing Jen’s neck, working her way down to trace her collarbones with her tongue. Her arms climb up Jen’s stomach then settles on her breasts, cupping them fully, running her thumbs over the scars. She feels Jen relax into her touch.

Judy pushes her into the mattress, her tongue traveling to the valley between Jen’s breasts. She sucks on the skin there and finds the steady rhythm of Jen’s heart against her sternum.

She’s become hyperaware of how different this morning feels to last night, how different this Jen is to the one that had taken her so violently and sent her away. Jen in the sunlight looks freshly-made, so open. Judy doesn’t even remember the sounds of last night, too preoccupied with her own pleasure and the need for Jen to look at her, now she feels like her mind is empty, Jen’s heartbeat echoing freely inside her head.

Her hands make quick work of Jen’s pants, unbuttoning it and dragging it down by the belt loops. Jen lifts herself slightly and kicks them off. Judy descends further along Jen’s body, peppering her stomach with kisses before reaching the waistband of Jen’s underwear. She tugs on it with her teeth.

“Oh shit,” Jen breathes, looking straight at her. Judy smiles wildly and pulls harder at the fabric. Quickly following Judy’s lead, she helps get rid of her underwear until Judy’s sitting back on her heels, Jen’s panties hanging off her teeth like caught prey. “Judy, fuck, put that down.”

“But you had fun with mine last night,” Judy teases after picking it out of her mouth and she dangles it in front of Jen, “I didn’t even get it back.”

Jen lurches, trying to snatch her panties back from Judy but she moves it just out of reach. Judy laughs heartily.

“Jesus, Jude,” Jen sinks back onto the bed, moving her palms over her face.

“I would have preferred it if it was yours, you know.”

“Huh?” Jen asks, uncovering her eyes.

“In my mouth,” Judy replies then brings Jen’s panties to her tongue and makes a show of licking the fabric of the crotch. “Mm, you taste great.”

“Pervert,” Jen says but her eyes are glued to Judy.

Feeling particularly wolfish, Judy bites on the panties, keeping it in her mouth, and plunges her hand in between Jen’s legs, finding her clit and circling it immediately.

“That makes the both of us,” she says, a little muffled by the fabric hanging loose from her mouth, she lets it fall on Jen’s crotch, “you’re so wet, baby.”

“ _Jude_.”

She tightens the circles around the clit and Jen bucks against her hand. Jen looks like she’s already on the verge of her climax, her eyes drifting upwards, looking far away.

“I’m going to fuck you now, okay?” Judy says, unnecessarily, but she wants Jen to be completely there with her. Jen makes sound that resembles a _yes_ and Judy plunges three fingers inside of her. They slide in with a loud, slick, noise.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh _fuck me_ ,” Jen pants in quick succession.

Judy starts pumping her fingers in and out of Jen, watches as her hands search desperately for something to hold on to. One settles on Judy’s free forearm and the other clutches the sheets beside her head.

“Jen, you’re so sexy it’s ridiculous,” Judy breathes, increasing her pace, “it feels so good inside of you.”

Jen doesn’t have a coherent answer, everything melting into a moan as she begins to grind her hips to match Judy’s pace. Judy leans forward to kiss Jen for a few seconds, to feel her uneven pants and swallow her moans, before sitting back up between Jen’s legs. Judy wants to see her when she comes.

She uses the thumb of her other hand to press against Jen’s clit and soon enough, she’s coming undone under her touch. Judy feels the slickness that collects on her palm and the tightening around her fingers. She watches as Jen arches her back, chasing the last few moments of her orgasm before collapsing back on the bed. Judy has the distinct realization that she will never get enough of seeing Jen like this.

“Holy fuck, Jude, that felt—“

“I want you to come again,” Judy interrupts, sliding her fingers out of Jen but returning them to her clit.

“Judy, I don’t think— _ah!_ ” she tries to jerk away from Judy’s touch, “Your fingers are too…”

“Oh, I can do it without fingers, definitely,” Judy smirks, and since Jen still looks unsure, “ _please_.”

It does seem to be the magic word for the day because Jen relents, allowing Judy to indulge her selfish streak.

Judy dives in between Jen’s legs, pushing her hands against the underside of her thighs to spread her legs further apart. She finds Jen’s folds with her tongue and licks determined patterns on her pussy. She’s so swollen and sensitive that she reacts almost violently against Judy’s tongue, her hips needing to be held down firmly. Sensing an impatience, Judy soon focuses on Jen’s clit.

Jen’s string of curses interspaced by Judy’s name echoes loudly inside the room. And after a particularly high-pitched moan, Jen’s legs wrap around Judy’s head.

“ _I’m_ _coming_. Baby, I’m coming, I’m coming,” she gasps, grabbing fistfuls of Judy’s hair to guide her through the movements to draw out her orgasm. Judy lets herself be handled, absolutely elated at the way Jen is taking control of her pleasure.

Jen pulls her up to meet her mouth, kissing her roughly. Sensations of pleasure pool at Judy’s crotch as she realizes they’re sharing Jen’s taste in their mouths.

“Take this off,” Jen orders, tugging at her dress. Judy sits up and lifts it off over her head in one go. She shifts forward until she’s straddling Jen’s waist. By the hazed look in Jen’s eyes, Judy wonders if she has enough in her tank to fuck her, but then again, Judy is very, very, ridiculously close.

Jen’s moves her hand between Judy’s legs and presses against her center through her panties and _fuck_ , she hadn’t even realized how wet she is. In a quick motion, Jen slides the underwear out of the way and fucks her hard.

Judy wonders if she comes immediately or if it’s the beginning of a long orgasm but she lets Jen keep moving her fingers her even though waves of pleasure are rising and crashing and ebbing inside her.

Suddenly, she remembers, _think about what you really want_. And Judy knows that, inexplicably, Jen would give into any of her demands today. No matter how odd or unreasonable or fucked up, she’s sure that Jen would indulge her.

“Tell me you love me,” Judy says before she can really think about it. She feels Jen’s rhythm falter for a second.

“Judy, I love you,” Jen says, and Judy feels tears prickle at the back of her eyes because it’s _working_ and every sensation in her body is heightened. She wants to be selfish, to ask Jen to say it again, to keep saying it, but then Jen continues, “I love you so fucking much. I love you so much. I’m so fucking in love with you.”

And Judy feels like she should say something but then Jen begins curling her fingers inside her and it all dies in her throat, replaced by desperate moans.

“Judy, I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone the way that I love you, I don’t think I ever will again. You made me so fucking happy when I hadn’t been for so long, even in the middle of this fucking mess,” Jen chokes slightly on her words, then a little bit quieter, “I think I’ve been in love with you long before I realized it.”

At this, Judy orgasms, hard, spilling everything onto Jen’s hand.

“Fuck, _Jen_ ,” she throws her head back as Jen slows down her strokes, snapping her hips a few times to ride it out.

Exhausted, she lets herself fall forward onto Jen, her face resting on her chest, tucking her head under her chin. She curls her knees against Jen’s sides.

It feels like they’re both waiting for Judy’s breathing to even out as Jen idly rubs circles on her lower back. But then Judy’s heavy breath turn into sniffles, quickly escalating into full sobs, her body shaking against Jen.

“Hey hey, honey, what’s wrong?” Jen asks, trying to coax Judy to look at her. After a few seconds, she asks, “Did I—did I say too much?”

Judy shakes her head against Jen.

“No, it was perfect,” Judy mumbles on Jen’s skin. “I mean, if it was true.”

Jen chuckles, relief in her voice, “of course it’s true.”

Jen resumes her circles on Judy’s back and Judy wishes they can stay like this. That Jen could hold her this close in this post-orgasm haze and she can feel Jen’s heart beat against her forever and ever.

Judy bites her lip hard, lifting her face to meet Jen’s.

“Then why did it sound like you were saying goodbye?”

Jen’s hand stops and Judy knows they’ve lost the moment.

“I think I’m going to turn myself over to the police.”

Judy scrambles to sit up on the bed, grabbing a blanket to pull against her body. Her face scrunches up, more tears threatening to fall, feeling a mixture of confusion, fear, and betrayal.

“ _What?_ ”

“Jude—“

“No, no, no, no—“

“Hon—“

“No, Jen, no—“

“Hey, it’s okay—“

“No!”

Judy has her fists curled up in front of her, shaking. Tears fall freely on her cheeks as her face contorts, trying to understand.

Jen reaches for Judy’s hands, carefully wrapping hers on the closed fists and bringing it down to her lap.

“Jude, honey—“

“How can you be so calm about it?” Judy asks, still sounding a little hysterical, “When did you—when did you even…?”

_When did you decide this? Last night? By yourself?_

Jen pulls her back into a hug.

“I won’t go anywhere,” Jen says and it doesn’t sound like a lie, “it was just a thought I had.”

Judy relaxes into Jen’s hold.

“You can’t—you can’t say things like that to me. Why would you even think that?”

“I’m just—I don’t know, I don’t know what to fucking do,” Jen starts, looking a little faraway, but her voice is shaking, “I’m just, I’m so tired of fucking lying to everyone. Charlie’s asking so many questions. And the cops, they keep getting closer and closer and it’s starting to feel like they would get everyone I love before they got to me.” Jen sobs, “I just need—I just need to protect everyone, the boys. Before another bad thing happens.”

Judy grabs Jen by the cheeks, trying to wipe at the steady stream of tears.

“You got me, Jen, we’ve made it so far.”

Jen shakes her head.

“I don’t want you to be a bad person, Judy,” Jen says desperately, “not for my sake.”

“ _You_ aren’t a bad person, Jen!”

“Judy, I have to tell you—“

“You can’t go, the boys need you!”

Jen pauses, then closes her eyes tightly. It takes a few seconds before she opens them again.

“You’re right, they can’t lose me.”

“They can’t, Jen.”

They hold each other in silence, drawing out most of their tears. When Judy begins to slump against her, Jen motions for her to lie down properly on the bed, head against the pillows, and she follows suit. They rest, Judy’s arms wrapped tightly around Jen’s torso while Jen is playing with a strand of Judy’s hair. Judy was already falling asleep when they hear the distinct sound of the doorbell ringing downstairs.

Judy pulls her closer, “ignore it, please. Don’t go.”

“I won’t go anywhere,” Jen says. It still doesn’t sound like a lie but it doesn’t sound like the truth either. It just sounds like one of the many possibilities that life has offered up to them. Judy doesn’t want to think of the multitudes of those that don’t involve a future with Jen.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, have you ever wanted to write some porn just devoid of feelings but you fail at it, then you retroactively ADD even more feelings into it? No, I'm not projecting.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading my work! I'd still love to hear people's thoughts on it.
> 
> Title is from Marika Hackman's "come undone" (yes, she's the patron of this series.)


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